From the desk of your boss:

Happy Holidays! Happy New Year! Blah blah blah... Now that we’ve gotten the formalities out of the way, let’s get down to brass tacks. Over the past week or so, I’ve had some rare downtime, and have had the distinct misfortune of being brought up to speed on the recent CHIKARA blog posts. Allow me to make a number of things perfectly clear:

- I am the Director of Fun, and that is extremely unlikely to change.

- My word is bond and I will have no problem backing it up.

- The changes I have made to the CHIKARA roster will stand. Not just for Season 12. Forever.

John Gargano, you’ve publicly complained that my addition of Sugar Dunkington to the F.I.S.T. trio cost you a chance at winning the King of Trios. You've implied that perhaps my math was wrong. Did it ever occur to you that maybe you’ve used Sugar’s talents incorrectly? He certainly seems motivated to make this new arrangement work.

While I understand that you’re no math whiz Mr. Guy-From-Cleveland, it defies logic that a trio consisting of four members would fail to advance in a competition for three-man teams. This isn’t a potato sack race. I’m not tying your fists behind your back with Sugar, I’m giving you another tool in your arsenal with which to succeed. I think it’s pretty clear that I’m not the one who screwed up here. So, get your F.I.S.T.'s fists in gear, and use Sugar’s penchant for talking (a lot, yes) to your advantage.

Ants Fire and devi-, I know I’ve spoken a bit in the past about sports math, but maybe I should introduce you to a different kind of numbers game. Colony merchandise has been selling out left and right. T-shirts, keychains, magnets, posters, trading cards, masks – all of it selling out in 2012. If we sold Colony-themed ant traps, you can bet the CHIKARMY would buy them all up. The simple fact is that the Colony moves merchandise, moreso in Season 11 than ever before.

Monetarily speaking, they are the most valuable act on the roster. (How's that feel, #GrandChamp?) Even if I agreed with you that my moves were erroneous (which is not something I’m inclined to agree with, mind you,) it would be fool’s logic to now put all the Ants back where they were a year ago. I know neither of you are called BusinessAnt, but you both must see why that just wouldn’t make sense at this time. So, allow me to reiterate my previous point: my roster changes will stand. Permanently. When the Director of Fun makes a decision, it stays decided.

Enjoy your 2013, gang; it’s sure to be a strong one.
WV