What a strange few weeks it has been for me, your Director of Fun, Wink Vavasseur.
First, I dropped by the Event Center video show to express my excitement over our impending visit to North Carolina and
Tennessee. Is it too much to ask for the DoF to have a few minutes of screen time now and again? Instead of getting my
message across to CHIKARA's Army Soldiers, I was interrupted by the guy who has rapidly become my least favorite
pro-wrestler, Snakeface of the Osirian Portal.
Unless my memory fails me - and it seldom does - I brought one of wrestling's hottest prospects to CHIKARA in
Jonathan Gresham. He's fast, he's got the neat-o moves, and most of all, that guy looks like a wrestler. He's got
the look, if you'll pardon that unintentional Roxette allusion. I've had them in my head all day.
As I was saying, Jon has the "it factor" that I keep reading about in US Weekly. So teaming him with Amasis,
another wrestler with some talent was just fine by me. And I understand that great
duos sometimes have mascots. Clinton and Carville had Stephanopoulos. Batman and Robin had that dog with the little
mask on its face. There's a reason no one talks about Presidential hopeful George Stephanopoulos. The "it factor."
Ophidian, better figure out what's going on with your pal Amasis. I'd like to see tag team gold around his and
Jonathan's waists, sooner rather than later. In the meantime, please try to remember that I Direct the Fun, and you just keep yourself busy
working on that lisp of yours. If you were all that important, let's be frank here, wouldn't at least one other
member of the CHIKARA roster have voted you into the "12 Large: Summit"? Those zero votes you managed to scrounge up
say a lot.
I should mention for those of you recently joining us, that I am not the first DoF CHIKARA has ever had. No, there
was one before me called Dieter who wore white even after Labor Day. For a while, I had the job of evaluating his
work, as there was concern that he was guilty of some gross favoritism during his tenure. Turns out he was.
As my father Connie is fond of saying, "there is nothing absolutely in our power." Here I had thought Ares wanted
to wrestle UltraMantis Black. Yet this clever bald-headed dude never signed into such a match. We announced the
match, sent information to the printers to make publicity materials to promote it, only to have Ares change gears.
That sort of thing makes me look dumb. And I don't like to be embarrassed, not in front of my little daschund Frank,
and certainly not in public.
So read this over carefully, Ares. Perhaps Dieter allowed you to run things from behind-the-scenes as if he were
your puppet, but Connie's kid doesn't run his ship that way. I don't know why you and your BDK friends get special
treatment, special changing areas, a special section on the roster page of our website, but those ARE things within
my power to control.
Make up your mind about this match, Ares, so we can sign, seal and deliver it. Or maybe it's time to simply disband
your BDK the same way I've disbanded the Osirian Portal. True, "there is nothing absolutely in our power," but
these things are completely within my power.