Unauthorized footage of myself, your esteemed Director of Fun, Wink Vavasseur, recently aired on one of CHIKARA’s web video programs. Bryce Remsburg, as
the driving force behind this program, your decision to air this footage without my permission is unacceptable. It’s time you start to begin to learn how to
follow the CHIKARA chain of command, Bryce, learn how to observe and respect the company hierarchy. Furthermore, I have instructed the webmaster NOT to post a
link to the video in question, so as not to draw any more attention to it. I don't feel as if I have been unclear, but to create greater clarity on this topic:
Any disrespect toward my Directorship or the Vavasseur family name will not be tolerated.
Suffice to say, an exploratory committee has already been established and has begun the task of reviewing candidate applications for the new leader of the
revered tag-team supergroup, The Colony: Xtreme Force. I would like to thank the Army of CHIKARA for their patronage, and making the official t-shirt of
The Colony: Xtreme Force into the biggest-selling item in the history of my esteemed tenure as Director.
The upcoming CHIKARA event in Gibsonville, NC, presents us with a very exciting opportunity and I’m fully expecting to continue our record-setting sales streak! I am
teaming the former merchandising juggernaut of the old Colony with the masked crowd favorites who have quietly held onto the #2 spot on the CHIKARA Sales Leader Board (to wit:
theirs is the only CHIKARA t-shirt I’ve personally purchased.) Of course, I’m talking about [cue the music]...Los Ice Creams! Yes, the fine North Carolinians of
Gibsonville will be witness to these two most exciting and profitable mask-and-t-shirt-selling tag teams, joining together like some sort of futuristic space robot whose
whole is even greater than the sum of its parts! These fans will also be given the enviable opportunity to purchase those masks and t-shirts at the CHIKARA Merchandise
Booth! CHIKARA fans, act now to make arrangements to join these Gibsonville-ians in this once-in-a-lifetime chance to be part of the action!
Lastly, I’d like to address a request of me from our ring announcer, play-by-play commentator, and host of CHIKARA’s “Podcast-A-Go-Go,” Gavin Loudspeaker. I have
read your account of the interactions with Tim Donst, and I have reviewed the tapes. Your plea has not gone unheard. Before I make any decisions, though, I think
it would be appropriate to view your complaint in a greater context.
In your April 19th blog post, you’ve admitted to verbally insulting and instigating Mr. Donst
on multiple occasions, to which he responded with intimidation, escalating to a physical altercation, as seen in PCAGG Episode 364.
Extrapolating this one step further, I would like to point out that you, Mr. Loudspeaker, have a proven history of insultation and instigation, of which I can
attest personally. I have been insulted by you on numerous occasions, not only on commentary and on the “Go-Go,” but also in your “glowing” in-ring introductions. I
do not take kindly to being undermined by my subordinates, and especially not by a pencil-necked, skinny pants-wearing, glorified mic-jockey like yourself, Gavin.
Now I see, with this latest, grainiest and most-out-of-focus edition of our "Go-Go" that you have taken to creating podcasts in your house as a means of avoiding further
retribution from Tim Donst for your insults. You will return to the studio for all future editions of this series, effective Monday, and that is not an option. At your request, I have authorized
my secretary to investigate the Name a Star organization and report back.
You've now openly stated you are not a professional wrestler. I don't have as short a memory as most do. In fact, I was in attendance at the CHIKARA event called
"Reality is Relative" in the days before my appointment to the Directorship. Do you know what I saw there as the evening wrapped? A ring announcer -
a self-professed non-wrestler - delivering a wrestling maneuver to an injured and defenseless Jakob Hammermeier. If anyone knows what you're capable of,
I'm sure it is Jakob's BFF Mr. Donst. Jakob withstood your insults and lame jokes for an entire year. When that wasn't enough,
you escalated to physical violence. Tell me Mr. Bigmouth, will I be next when your verbal barbs fail?