In less than 2 weeks, you will witness an event that will bring together men and women who are beyond
good, beyond evil, and beyond your wildest imagination. Not only are wrestlers coming from all over,
but fans from all corners of the globe are coming to King of Trios 2011. As a self-appointed ambassador of
the world I will greet you all now with this universal salutation: “Bah weep gragnah weep nini bong.”
Now that I have greeted the world, I will address a certain 3 individuals. The rumor buzzing around
the locker room is that 3 individuals made a special request for King of Trios. Three men were given a
golden invitation to the biggest tournament in wrestling and then had the audacity to ask for F.I.S.T.
specifically as their opponents. Now my sources may not be 100%, but if this is true, I must ask you, Team Australia -
Why? Why throw
your lives away so recklessly? I applaud your tenacity and courage to take on the most dangerous trio the universe has ever seen,
but I guarantee you F.I.S.T. will beat you from here to Moon Base II and back. Percy, Kabel, and
Tama Williams bring every ounce of bravery, strength, and indomitable spirit you can muster. Because you will need it.
As for the other teams that are unfortunate enough to get in the way of Icarus, Chuck Taylor, and Johnny
Gargano: my condolences.
Onto my third and final matter of business now. Wink Vavasseur has opted to have the active wrestlers of CHIKARA
cast their votes to decide who will compete for this prestigious singles championship.
As a past King of Trios winner, past Cibernetico winner, and as one of the longest standing members of
CHIKARA, virtually everyone on our roster has gotten to know me on a very personal level (as I have you.)
So when you go to vote, I want
you to ask yourself this simple question: “Would Icarus stoop to abducting my pet, if I don’t vote for him?”
Yes, that is a threat.
Vote for Me, or say goodbye to your beloved pets. I know you, I know where you
and your pet sleep. So don’t give your vote to me for me, give your vote to me for Pete your beloved tarantula,
your weasely little ferret Bobby, maybe it will be for your precious dog Sugar Bear, or your fur balls with claws,
Klause. So remember think long and hard about how safe your pets are and how much of a jerk I am before throwing your